LAS VEGAS — NFL fans were left stunned this week after reports emerged that a mysterious “ownership clause” in the Las Vegas Raiders’ agreement with Tom Brady reads more like a medieval scroll than a modern sports contract.
According to leaked documents “found in a treasure chest behind Allegiant Stadium,” the clause allegedly grants team owner Mark Davis a series of outrageous privileges, including “the right to braid Brady’s hair in the offseason” and “final say on the quarterback’s choice of protein shakes.”
NFL insiders, however, were most confused by the so-called “Prima Clause” — a term that sources say “has absolutely no legal basis but sounds fancy enough to scare rookie agents.”
Legal experts laughed off the rumor, calling it “a perfect example of the offseason internet losing its mind.”
“This isn’t medieval Europe, it’s the National Football League,” said sports attorney Jenna Ricks. “No owner can claim ceremonial rights over a player’s personal life — though they might still control his jersey number.”
When asked for comment, Mark Davis reportedly stared into the distance and said, “I just wanted Brady to teach me his skincare routine.”
Meanwhile, Raiders fans have taken the chaos to heart, flooding social media with memes depicting Davis as a feudal lord and Brady as a knight reluctantly signing his “scroll of servitude.” One viral post featured Davis holding a parchment labeled “By Order of the Silver and Black Kingdom.”
Brady’s representatives quickly denied the rumor, releasing a statement that read, “Tom remains focused on football, family, and ensuring no one ever brings a quill to a contract negotiation again.”
As the story continues to trend online, the NFL issued a lighthearted reminder: “While ownership agreements are complex, none involve dragons, kingdoms, or outdated European traditions.”
Still, in true Raiders fashion, fans aren’t ruling anything out. As one season-ticket holder quipped on X:
“With this team, if someone told me Davis built the stadium on top of a cursed pyramid, I’d believe it.”
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